My title could very well have read “Confessions of a Perfectionist” if anyone who knew me well would have to suggest one. So as I said it’s confession time. Where do I start?
At home? When I wanted every meal to be tasty and warm, every room to be spic and span, every smile bright and cheerful?
At work? Where I hated failure of any kind by me, at judgement, skill or expertise …When I wanted every worker to be as diligent, sincere, efficient and compassionate as they could be. And me as well, of course.
At creating happiness? One of my pet peeves, where I tried to keep a lot of people happy from my mother to my family to my husband to my children to my patients?
At “hobbying”? I liked books and words, movies and music that touched my soul.. spoke to me and remained a part of me long after I had savored them….
At holidaying? I loved the family to bond during a holiday… through music, books games or food…
At cooking? I love cooking but was self critical to a fault…and knew exactly where I had faltered..the prawns were over done… the souffle was not fluffy.. the rice was over cooked.. the salad was not crisp enough….
I guess by now most of you are aghast at who I am describing … but let me hasten to tell you I was not that bad… as long as everything was perfect! Ha ha! Alas that could never be- there was soul searching galore…. debating the choices I made as well as the ones I was going to make as life swept me up in its wake…. Was I getting Atelophobic? Maybe….
Jokes aside, as I juggled all these apples in my arms, quite a few did escape and finally I did let them … but only after a merry chase! But now, I have realized that striving for perfection in everything and everyone can kill a dream…. kill happiness….and even togetherness… and so along life’s way I learned to give way….learned to accept imperfection in others and as importantly, in me.
I realised that each of those imperfections in me made me who I am !
A lot of these pet peeves still exist in me though muted and attenuated as I mellow with age.. but there are times when they still rear their heads.. more of that some other time!!